Friday, May 25, 2007

Provoked

It comes upon one swift. Where from? You say.

Could be the rift of heart's lost love night last.

Mayhap the chicken devoured in haste.

What conjures this flooding freely from past?

Rarely leaning towards times to come.

In hours forbid, flood gates open. Sleepless.

Raging free. Unchecked, unbidden guests.

This thought bid not, with timing sham. Where peace?

Could Moses staff hold the tide? The waters best?

Provoked or not, these thoughts mine with ease

now welcome I. The mind held wide. This test.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dream

I have a dream, as i think about it...quite often. I do not understand what it's about or where it comes from. Until actually this AM I was quite willing to just have it now and then and not think about it. I also until this morning didn't really believe there was any real significance to dreams. Now and I don't know why I'm not sure.

The Dream - This will be a bit vague but the premise is I'm in school. Pretty sure High School. As the year goes by I find that I can not remember where or when a particular class takes place. Specifically History. Not clear what history. I can even picture the teacher although can not for the life of me remember her name. As the dream proceeds I find that I miss more and more of the class. Culminating in an unbelievable panic and frenzy of study for the final exam. This is assuming I even know when and where that will be.

To my memory I never skipped a class...deliberately or otherwise. I never failed a class or had more than the most moderate of trouble. The dream, or what I remember of it does not seem very intricate or detailed but somehow extremely convincing and real. I wake with a feeling of how could I be so lax as to allow this to happen. I'll never catch up, pass. Too embarrassed to ask for help.

What does all this mean? Something / nothing? Why dream about this? Why not dream about my marriage or divorce, job, family, a certain someone in Richmond, church, sex (yes sex would be...) , dishes in the sink, 4 enormous piles of clean laundry. I'm saying clean.

I knew a man (Episcopal Priest) that was also an amazing interpreter of dreams. I wish you were still with us Joe. I'll bet you'd have a field day with this one huh. I wonder did you pass your legacy on to someone. I know many who knew you as well. Perhaps some of them are reading this?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

hide

they fall down
gravity
hot and wet
some run down diminished
drop in the coffee...
returning home?
others puddle on the desk...big

salty, tasty licked back in. not wasted

unbidden
unwanted
betrayal
sensitivity
sexy?
manly?
HA!

wet spots on shirt and pants.

reserve for evenings at home.
Duh!
stop I beg you
let me be
i don't want you
i don't know you
go away

i cave and give reign
not long now
no real pain
it's over thank God...free
again must hide this...me

Monday, May 14, 2007

i think

I think maybe, but not knowing I dare not say.
How could it be anyway?
I said I'd like and gave my pass.
No fruit for trying came my way
the reasons allusive, complex and possibly...cruel?

Oh but not knowing I dare not say.
How could it be anyway.
I said I would.
The reply I met misunderstood.
It seems to be. Perchance it could.
I wait, tap, whisper, I'm good.
And still replies misunderstood.

I'm clear, concise, actions and words
repaid with mud and fog unheard.
Tactics, games true lack of time.
Believe and trust and walk that line.
Where does it lead? From here to where?
The paths at best seem parallel.
At worst obtuse, non-crossing. Hell

How can this be? We dare not say. And does it matter anyway?

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Can't seem to

Keep the sink clear of dishes.
Pick up my clothes.
Open, sort,toss and file as appropriate my mail.
Give a shit.
Sleep anywhere but on the floor, what's up with that. Real attractive huh ladies.
Get past this hurdle of my move here. It's like I'm over the hump and stuck on a rock.
Watch TV. Hate it!
Update the church website. Inherited a dinosaur.
Vacuum.
Polish chrome on the Hog. Been in the rain 3 times now. Sucks
Get out and do projects I don't like for bossman. You reading this?
Find someone to spend Friday or Saturday night with. Lame!
Resist that Saturday Cigar. Lately anyway.
Feel like I'm more than just keeping on keepin on.
Buy a new pair of running shoes.
Unpack my summer clothes. Who's still wearing cords!
Build my plane. Had the kit for OMG 6 years!
Finish the config on my Beowulf cluster. Don't ask!
I have 75 nearly finished CAD drawings at work. Why do I start the next?
Buy color ink for printer. Have you seen those prices.
Fix knobs in shower.
Clean, clean, clean. Even the dust is dirty.

What is this a post or a not ta do list.
I'm going to shoot hoops and not do these again.